McGeesJabberwock
11-19-2006, 02:12 PM
This is a parody inspired by The Editing Room (http://www.the-editing-room.com/?script=archives). Please don't complain that I'm insulting LGW, this is a joke.
LOOKING GLASS WARS: CONDENSED VERSION
FRANK BEDDOR
This book is bloody and creepy. People of a nervous disposition would be better off reading Alice in Wonderland.
HARDCORE ALICE IN WONDERLAND FANS
Noooo! Beddor is mocking our favourite book! He should die a horrible death!
LEMONY SNICKET
And he stole one of my writing techniques!
Wonderland is REAL. There are CRYSTAL CITIES and it has LOTS OF PEOPLE.
FRANK BEDDOR
Hey, look at how imaginative I am! Penguins with old man’s heads! Big blobby things used for riding! It’s never been done before!
ALYSS
I am childish and naïve.
DODGE
Me too.
ALYSS
But all that will change soon.
DODGE
Yes.
Alyss also has an albino tutor named Bibwit. And a cool angsty bodyguard named Hatter Madigan (who’s too cool for tea parties.) Then Alyss’ EVIL aunt Redd comes. She is EVIL.
REDD
Bwahahahahahahaha! I’m EVIL! I’ll take over Wonderland because I’m EVIL!!!
CAT
And I’m Redd’s sidekick. My character isn’t all that interesting, but I make Dodge an interesting character by killing his father.
Redd kills Alyss’ mother. Her HEAD FALLS OFF. This is ADULT. She TAKES OVER.
REDD
Muahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Alyss and Hatter escape. The Cat follows them. Alyss and Hatter are separated and end up in OUR WORLD. This is a reversal of Alice in Wonderland and is CLEVER.
ALYSS
No! I’m in London and I’m a street orphan!
Hatter goes to Paris without his hat.
HATTER
ANGST.
Alyss gets adopted by the LIDDELLS. They are MEAN.
LIDDELLS
Ha ha. Your name is Alice. Wonderland isn’t real.
Lewis Carroll SCREWS UP Alyss’ stories because he’s a MORON.
HARDCORE ALICE IN WONDERLAND FANS
Oh no! What have you done? Beddor is evil! How dare he mock the Almighty One!
LEWIS CARROLL
And I based my Alice characters on political figures, not stupid action heroes!
FRANK BEDDOR
Shut up, Carroll, or it’s back to the dungeon with you.
ALYSS
Wonderland isn’t real.
In Wonderland, Dodge is fighting Redd’s armies. There is ACTION. This is COOL.
DODGE
ANGST.
Hatter finds Alyss through Alice in Wonderland. He scares Lewis Carroll. This is FUNNY. He tries to find a way to bring Alyss back.
REDD
Cat! Kill Alyss! Bwahahahahahahahaha! I’m so evil!
The Cat invades Alyss’ wedding. There is more COOL ACTION. Dodge takes Alyss back through the POOL OF TEARS.
ALYSS
Oh no, I’m back in Wonderland and I have to fight a war without my magic powers.
BIBWIT
You have to regain your powers by going through the Looking Glass Maze.
ALYSS
But won’t making me all-powerful take away my vulnerability and make me less interesting and human?
FRANK BEDDOR
No, it’ll make you ultra-cool and my future Alyss dolls will sell like hot cakes.
ALYSS
Oh, okay.
REDD
Armies, kill Alyss! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Alyss and frends go QUESTING. They face DANGERS. They also meet Homburg Molly. She is MYSTERIOUS. Then Alyss passes the LOOKING GLASS MAZE test. She becomes GODLIKE.
GENERAL DOPPELGANGER
Hey, I’m in this book too! Why haven’t I been mentioned yet?
ALYSS
Nobody cares about you. You have no personality.
Alyss goes to fight Redd.
REDD
I rule Wonderland alone. Your interference will not be tolerated. Oops, wrong script, I mean, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Time to die!
They have a BIG BATTLE. There is FIGHTING and IMAGINATIVE WEAPONS. Redd is losing then goes into the HEART CRYSTAL. So does the Cat. She has become IMMORTAL.
DODGE
No! Now I’ll never get revenge!
HATTER
And I want a leave of duty!
DODGE AND HATTER
ANGST.
FRANK BEDDOR
Keep a look out for the sequel! And the other sequel! And the soundtrack! And the video game! And the movies! And the t-shirts! And the toothbrushes! And the mugs…
While he’s busy fantasising about being the next GEORGE LUCAS, the hardcore Alice in Wonderland fans have planted a BOMB in Frank’s office.
HARDCORE ALICE IN WONDERLAND FANS
Viva la revolution!
Automatic Pictures EXPLODES.
THE END
LOOKING GLASS WARS: CONDENSED VERSION
FRANK BEDDOR
This book is bloody and creepy. People of a nervous disposition would be better off reading Alice in Wonderland.
HARDCORE ALICE IN WONDERLAND FANS
Noooo! Beddor is mocking our favourite book! He should die a horrible death!
LEMONY SNICKET
And he stole one of my writing techniques!
Wonderland is REAL. There are CRYSTAL CITIES and it has LOTS OF PEOPLE.
FRANK BEDDOR
Hey, look at how imaginative I am! Penguins with old man’s heads! Big blobby things used for riding! It’s never been done before!
ALYSS
I am childish and naïve.
DODGE
Me too.
ALYSS
But all that will change soon.
DODGE
Yes.
Alyss also has an albino tutor named Bibwit. And a cool angsty bodyguard named Hatter Madigan (who’s too cool for tea parties.) Then Alyss’ EVIL aunt Redd comes. She is EVIL.
REDD
Bwahahahahahahaha! I’m EVIL! I’ll take over Wonderland because I’m EVIL!!!
CAT
And I’m Redd’s sidekick. My character isn’t all that interesting, but I make Dodge an interesting character by killing his father.
Redd kills Alyss’ mother. Her HEAD FALLS OFF. This is ADULT. She TAKES OVER.
REDD
Muahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Alyss and Hatter escape. The Cat follows them. Alyss and Hatter are separated and end up in OUR WORLD. This is a reversal of Alice in Wonderland and is CLEVER.
ALYSS
No! I’m in London and I’m a street orphan!
Hatter goes to Paris without his hat.
HATTER
ANGST.
Alyss gets adopted by the LIDDELLS. They are MEAN.
LIDDELLS
Ha ha. Your name is Alice. Wonderland isn’t real.
Lewis Carroll SCREWS UP Alyss’ stories because he’s a MORON.
HARDCORE ALICE IN WONDERLAND FANS
Oh no! What have you done? Beddor is evil! How dare he mock the Almighty One!
LEWIS CARROLL
And I based my Alice characters on political figures, not stupid action heroes!
FRANK BEDDOR
Shut up, Carroll, or it’s back to the dungeon with you.
ALYSS
Wonderland isn’t real.
In Wonderland, Dodge is fighting Redd’s armies. There is ACTION. This is COOL.
DODGE
ANGST.
Hatter finds Alyss through Alice in Wonderland. He scares Lewis Carroll. This is FUNNY. He tries to find a way to bring Alyss back.
REDD
Cat! Kill Alyss! Bwahahahahahahahaha! I’m so evil!
The Cat invades Alyss’ wedding. There is more COOL ACTION. Dodge takes Alyss back through the POOL OF TEARS.
ALYSS
Oh no, I’m back in Wonderland and I have to fight a war without my magic powers.
BIBWIT
You have to regain your powers by going through the Looking Glass Maze.
ALYSS
But won’t making me all-powerful take away my vulnerability and make me less interesting and human?
FRANK BEDDOR
No, it’ll make you ultra-cool and my future Alyss dolls will sell like hot cakes.
ALYSS
Oh, okay.
REDD
Armies, kill Alyss! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Alyss and frends go QUESTING. They face DANGERS. They also meet Homburg Molly. She is MYSTERIOUS. Then Alyss passes the LOOKING GLASS MAZE test. She becomes GODLIKE.
GENERAL DOPPELGANGER
Hey, I’m in this book too! Why haven’t I been mentioned yet?
ALYSS
Nobody cares about you. You have no personality.
Alyss goes to fight Redd.
REDD
I rule Wonderland alone. Your interference will not be tolerated. Oops, wrong script, I mean, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Time to die!
They have a BIG BATTLE. There is FIGHTING and IMAGINATIVE WEAPONS. Redd is losing then goes into the HEART CRYSTAL. So does the Cat. She has become IMMORTAL.
DODGE
No! Now I’ll never get revenge!
HATTER
And I want a leave of duty!
DODGE AND HATTER
ANGST.
FRANK BEDDOR
Keep a look out for the sequel! And the other sequel! And the soundtrack! And the video game! And the movies! And the t-shirts! And the toothbrushes! And the mugs…
While he’s busy fantasising about being the next GEORGE LUCAS, the hardcore Alice in Wonderland fans have planted a BOMB in Frank’s office.
HARDCORE ALICE IN WONDERLAND FANS
Viva la revolution!
Automatic Pictures EXPLODES.
THE END